For the Fallen KakaIru
by xYamixYumex
Summary: Kakashi Goes on a three week mission in the snow country, but something goes wrong and all contact with his team is lost with Konoha. How will it effect Iruka.


1"It's three weeks... you really think you're gonna be fine 'Ruka?" Kakashi looked genuinely concerned; this would be the longest length of time they'd been apart from each other. And though he'd never admit it, it was fairly obvious that Iruka was going to be lonely to say the least.

"Of course I'll be fine!" He smiled fakely up at him briefly before looking back down at the mission reports on the desk making a few marks. It would be. "I mean... I did before we were ever together didn't I?" The older man sighed lightly and Iruka was sure he was frowning behind the mask.

"Come on Ruka, I'm being serious! You can tell me you know--."

"I said I'd be fine!" He snapped, catching the attention of the Raidou and Genma, who'd been stuck on desk duty with him that day. "... it's just a simple reconnaissance mission, you've got a good three man team, and we'll get status reports every other day. I'm stronger then you think you know. Just go already! Or you're going to make Gondaime-sama mad, and then we'll _both_ get in trouble."

"... Fine," He leaned over the mission desk tentatively, pointing to his masked mouth with grinning eyes. "Come on Ruka, kiss for good luck? Show me how much you'll miss me." The other two snickered as Iruka blushed.

"N-not in the mission office!! They're watching–a-and you're making an awful scene!" Kakashi dawned a depressed expression and the other two booed the chuunin.

"Aww come on Iruka-sensei! Have a heart and just kiss the idiot already." Raidou cheered lightly before Iruka shot him a glare.

"We won't watch it if it means you just get the damn thing over with." Genma sighed but they both turned their faces away, and Kakashi tugged his mask down tentatively. Iruka gave a small sigh of defeat before leaned up and pressing his lips to Kakashi's gently, but he pulled away short. Leaving it at a simple kiss on the lips.

"When you come back... you'll get more." He whispered softly before plopping back into his seat.

"Fine fine, I'll let you slide by with that–but when I get back you have to do number forty-five on my list!" Iruka flushed, the list was Kakashi's carefully thought out list of Icha Icha fantasies with Iruka.

"Just leave already!!" Iruka rolled his eyes lightly, but waved to his lover none the less.

Two weeks. The Jounin and two chuunin that made up his team departed for their mission in the snow country two full weeks ago.

Two weeks and three days. That's how long it had been since there had been any contact from Kakashi's team before they sent people to investigate.

Four days. Four days ago Asuma's team left the village to check on them.

"-Ruka... hey. Earth to Iruka?" Genma snapped his fingers in front of Iruka's gazing face, which was enough to snap the chuunin out of his apparent day dreaming. He jerked his head away from the window with a startled blinked up at the blonds face concerned laced face. "Oi... you alright? Not lookin' so hot."

"Eh... Sorry, just a bit tired I guess. Ah--What did you need?" He smiled sweetly, the mask he wore so well. Genma sighed, setting the handful of papers down.

"Go home you idiot. There's no use in fakin' it. I know you're worried about him. That team'll be back sometime tonight and you'll see that every thing's fine, got it? No way Kakashi'd get killed–specially when you've got a promise to fulfill." He winked lightly before smacking Iruka on the shoulder. "Now get the hell outa here."

"Ahh but... Gond–"

"I'll take care of her okay? She won't mind after all, not healthy if you're not well rested. It's dead in here anyway!" Iruka laughed softly giving into the persistent man and standing.

"Fine, but you need anything... call me?" Genma didn't answer, taking Iruka's seat and shooing him off with his hands.

He'd gone as requested, though time crawled by even slower home alone. Seven hours seemed like days. He'd cleaned his house–twice now, not that it had needed cleaning to begin with. Made the bed perfectly, rearranged all the books on the shelves in alphabetical order. Hell, he even added Kakashi's 'book' collection, to his own. The knock had the door made his heart skip a beat. Finally!

He made a mad dash for the door, nearly tripping over a rug in the process. Stopping at the door, he took a moment to collect himself. _Look cool and calm, like you didn't just race to the door and nearly kill yourself. _He opened the door slowly to find... Kuranai? What was she doing here, hadn't it been Asuma who'd gone to look?

"Iruka... can I come in please?" She'd kept her face down, avoiding eye contact it seemed. He held his breath but stepped out of the way as she passed through the door. "They... didn't find anyone but..." She bit down on her lip, did she look like she was about to cry? Everything was ok right? Nothing could ever take down the great Hatake Kakashi, the man of 1,000 jutsu's... right? She made a soft nearly inaudible whimper, pulling the leather bound book from her coat and holding it out to him. It's famous orange covering splattered with dried blood, pages warped and wet from sitting in the snow. His heart sank completely. "I'm _so_ sorry Iruka..."

It wasn't real, it couldn't be. He wouldn't be able to touch it if it was right?

Shaky hands reached forward to take the book from her gently. That's when he felt it shattering, his whole world. She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "... I-I think... I need... to be alone... _please._" She pulled away slowly, nodding silently before she moved to the doorway.

"... You know if there's anything, _anything_ you need. Call me?" He turned away just before he heard the door click shut.

That's when it completely shattered; his mask, his world, his heart. He leaned against the wall sliding down onto the floor, leather bound book clutched tight to his chest. He bit down on his lip hard, the copper taste in his mouth didn't even registered. He curled up slowly, shoulders shaking. A_nything?!_ _Could she give him back Kakashi!? Or take away all the memories he'd made, the feelings he'd grown? Could she take back all the kisses he'd given, give him the strong arms_ _at night that he couldn't sleep without?! NO! _He sobbed softly against the kitchen floor, laying his cheek against the book.

He'd entertained a few visitors the first four days, or was it more? He didn't know exactly how long it had been, and he didn't care. Just those closest to him, listened politely to their soft one-sided conversations from his new home curled up on his couch with Kakashi's pillow. Hands still clutching at the book. He couldn't sleep in the bed, he couldn't even look at the damn thing, he couldn't wake up and be able to just turn over and watch Kakashi sleep.

It was his own fault, he'd grown too attached. They were both shinobi; he should have been prepared for the possibility that any mission could end like this. Kakashi would have been fine, he was stronger. He was always strong, and right. He'd made this! This place inside Iruka's heart that was empty now. He made him fall in love, with warm smiles, warm touches and warm words. When he'd hold him at night without question or mocking on the nights he had nightmares about his parents deaths. Made him want to care for him all his life, that silly idiot who stood at the monument for hours in the rain. He'd gone and left him hurting more then he ever did after Mizuki.

Kurenai's daily visits had her bringing food, brushing his hair back into a smooth ponytail again everyday, trying to convince him to eat. She swore that he was losing weight, and color. "Kakashi would never want to see you like this..." She'd even tried to remove the book from him, which only had him uncharacteristically yelling at her to get out, and to never come back. She didn't seem hurt, or even all that surprised-- but she obliged grudgingly. Leaving the plate on the coffee table in front of him.

He was at least sitting up the next day, fingers running over the orange cover. The sound of the door opening and shutting made him tense some.

"...I thought I told you never to come back again!!" He sniffed lightly wiping his eyes on the back of his arm as the footsteps moved across the floor stopping behind the couch.

"Well fine! I'm sorry I'm late but isn't kicking me out a bit extreme?" Iruka's eyes widened, he turned slowly on the couch, kneeling on the cushions as he stared up at him. Kakashi scratched the back of his head, one wrist bandaged messily. "Saa, you're not really gonna kic–" He gave a small surprised noise against the lips pressed desperately against his own through the mask, blinking slowly before he slid his arms around the shaky ninja's waist.

"Kak-" _Sniffle. _"-ashi..." _Hiccup. _"I-I..." The Jounin chuckled lightly, tugging his mask down with one hand.

"Come on now... what's the matter? Such a face you'd think someone _died_." Iruka whimpered lightly, pressing against his chest hard.

"I thought y-" Iruka pressed hard quick kisses between words. "You were-" _Kiss. _"Dead." _Kiss, bite. _"Kuranai brought-" _Kiss_ "Icha Icha, all bloody–" Kakashi pulled back, both panting a little with kiss swollen lips.

"Ahhh–I thought I lost it!! We got a surprise attack, kunai nicked me." He held up the bandaged wrist. "Must have dropped it from my vest back there."

"B-But... nobody heard from you..." He sniffled lightly, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I thought I'd never see you again... I-I was sure..."

"We had to hide, and we couldn't risk exposing our location." He put his finger to Iruka's lips. "Shhh... enough of that." He pulled him into his arms again earning a content sigh from the younger man again. "Hmm... I need a shower... and from the looks of things, so do you. Care to join me then Iruka-sensei?"He smirked lightly, hand drifting down to rest on the others ass. "Mmm, show you just how alive I am?" He would have been offended– put up a fight. _Usually_. Instead he just melted against him.

"Yes, just... promise you'll be here in the morning, alive and well."

"Of course. After all you think I'd die before I get to complete that list?"


End file.
